


Waiting for an Answer

by Elaine (LumCheng)



Series: 19 Days Post-Chapter Oneshots [1]
Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Kissing, M/M, Making Out, a little angsty, post chapter 340, queunliskanphobia, sleepover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:53:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27406867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LumCheng/pseuds/Elaine
Summary: While we're waiting impatiently here, I decided to write this little continuation of chapter 340. It turned out longer than expected and there is... stuff by the end... uhm.(Also this is the first work of my #nanowrimo experiment. Trying to write 2000 words every day during november. This is the result of the last 3 days~ )
Relationships: He Tian/Mo Guanshan (19 Days)
Series: 19 Days Post-Chapter Oneshots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2145186
Comments: 52
Kudos: 441





	Waiting for an Answer

Guanshan swallowed hard. He could feel the heat creeping up his neck, spreading across his cheeks.

"I'll fucking... wait for you after school next time."

He Tian's expression changed. He looked content now, the tiniest smile starting to tug on the corners of his mouth while he loosened the one-sided embrace and let go of the redhead.

"Good", he said easily and ran his fingers through his still wet hair before looking left and right, quickly scanning the empty corridor. "Now come inside and give me a minute to get dressed."

Guanshan took a step back and shook his head. "No way, I just... I just wanted to... I mean—"

Now He Tian full-on grinned at him. "You panicked after my last message and wanted to check on me? You're too sweet, Little Mo."

"Fuck you!", the redhead spat and shouldered his yellow bag. "Do you know how petty that was? I got news for you, asshole. The world doesn't revolve around you. Some of us have work and other responsibilities and can't hang out all day, just smoking and killing time doing stupid shit."

He Tian frowned and narrowed his eyes, leaning his naked shoulder against the door frame. "You agreed to walk home together. How should—"

"Until you decided to post screenshots on the fucking school app!", Guanshan interrupted. He was fuming. Just remembering it made him angry again, fists clenching at his sides. "How could you?! That was a private conversation, you piece of trash! Stop showing me off like I'm your prized possession. If you want us to be friends, treat me with some damn respect!"

He Tian stared at him. For a few long moments, none of them said anything and as the silence stretched too long, Guanshan lowered his gaze, couldn't bear looking at his counterpart anymore.

"Fine", he said, voice low and calm again. "I'm leaving..."

"I want us to be friends."

Guanshan looked up. Just friends? He knew that He Tian had more than that in mind. Guanshan wasn't stupid. Of course he had noticed all those gestures and innuendos over the past few months. Some subtle, some so blunt it felt like being hit with a sledgehammer.  
He gulped, his throat suddenly feeling a little tight.

"Friends my ass", he mumbled.

He Tian took a step forward. "No. I mean it. I want to be your friend."

"Yeah", Guanshan pressed, shrugging. "Whatever."

He Tian stepped back again, turning sideways and making an inviting gesture with his right arm.

"Please come inside while I get dressed?", he asked. "If you don't want to stay, I will walk you home, just give me a minute to put some clothes on."

Guanshan shifted his weight from one leg onto the other. He looked at the big windowfront inside the apartment, everything way too familiar already.  
He wanted to go home. He wanted to stay. He Tian was an asshole. But he could be nice at times. When he thought the jerk had died last weekend, his whole world was turned upside down. Some of the worst minutes of his life. The feeling of relief equally overwhelming when they'd finally found him alive. Not that he'd ever admit that.

He stared at him.  
There was a drop of water falling from He Tian's wet fringe and it rolled down his cheek. _Like a tear_ , Guanshan thought, and he watched the drop getting bigger as it mixed with more water on the skin, forming a large drop at He Tian's jaw and ultimately falling down onto his bare chest to continue its journey.

"Alright, I'll stay", Guanshan heard himself say before he could stop himself, "but only for an hour or so."

"Suit yourself", He Tian replied and let him walk past before shutting the door firmly behind them. "You know where everything is. Help yourself to a drink or whatever. I'll join you in a moment."

Guanshan watched him walking towards the corridor next to the kitchen and disappearing behind the corner.  
He took off his shoes and let his school bag slide off his shoulder, placing it on the wooden floor next to his shoes.  
Fuck. Why did he agree to this nonsense again?  
Trying not to think about it too hard, Guanshan made a beeline for the fridge and took a bottle of fruit-infused green tea. He looked at the label and frowned. Clearly a japan-import.  
Shrugging, he closed the fridge with a nudge of his shoulder while unscrewing the cap. He sniffed and took a swig. Not too bad actually.

His gaze fell upon the dark corridor and he could hear faint rustling of clothes from He Tian's huge walk-in wardrobe.  
Slowly he strolled towards the large windowfront and drank some more tea while looking down on the thousands of little lights. This city never slept. He could make out some office buildings and silently observed the tiny ant-like people still working at this late hour.

"Want some binoculars?"

He Tian's amused voice pulled him out of his thoughts and he turned his head, looking at his dressed figure. A black shirt and grey sweatpants. His hair was still a bit wet and looked flat against his skull without any volume or shine.

"That's immoral", Guanshan said and screwed the cap back onto the bottle. "Just imagine someone would spy on _you_ while you stand here, getting changed or picking your nose."

He Tian smiled and picked up some large pillows from his bed to toss them onto the floor between the windows and the bed.

"I would make sure they get quite the show", he replied laughing and sank down on said pillows, shifting around until he was comfortable. "Come and sit with me."

He patted the dark blue pillow next to him on the floor and Guanshan looked at him and then at the offered seat, seeming indecisive. This felt like a deja-vu. Unconsciously, his free hand reached up to his left ear to lightly pinch the earlobe. He wasn't wearing the studs today. Hasn't worn them in a few days actually and he had almost expected He Tian to comment on it.

With a sigh he finally settled down next to him, placing the bottled tea between them like a tiny barrier. He Tian broke it down instantly.

"Oh, the green tea", he said and picked it up to study the label in the semi-darkness. "Is it good? I saw it at FamilyMart the other day and wanted to try... do you mind?"

Guanshan drew up his knees to use them as an armrest and cast the bottle one last glance. "You can have the rest", he answered, sounding indifferent. "The taste is alright. A bit sweet maybe."

He Tian smirked. "Still not keen on swapping spit, eh?"

The redhead closed his eyes and turned his face away, trying to suppress the shudder that wanted to take over his upper back and shoulders. "It's disgusting."

"It's no big deal", He Tian replied and raised the bottleneck to his lips without bothering to wipe it. He took a few mouthfuls and Guanshan could hear him swallow.

"Mhh", He Tian lowered the bottle and turned it in his hands, "I quite like it. I might try the other flavors too."

Guanshan just sighed and stared straight ahead, watching the nightly cityscape. Since the apartment had no curtains it was never fully dark in here, no matter the time.  
After a few minutes of silence, He Tian spoke up again.

"You wanna tell me about that nightmare you had during class?"

Guanshan flinched and turned to look at him. "Why would you ask such a thing?"

He Tian shrugged and put the tea away, placing the bottle on his left side and not between them again. "I kept wondering about it. You seemed quite distressed."

"That's none of your concern."

"I told you, your business is my business. Don't you trust me?"

"Fuck off. This has nothing to do with trust. Only with you being nosy."

"Well, talking about it can—"

"I don't want to talk about it!"

"Look. All I'm saying is, if there's something on your mind, it often actually helps to tell someone. There'll be no judgement on my end. I'll just sit here and listen and keep my mouth shut. How does that sound?"

Guanshan groaned and rubbed his hands over his face with a little too much pressure, leaving red marks which slowly faded away. He Tian could be such a pain in the ass. Pushy motherfucker.

"Fine!", the redhead snapped and stretched his legs, crossing them by the ankle. "And don't you dare making a single dumb comment. Or this was the last time I'm telling you anything."

He Tian made a zipper-gesture over his lips and looked at him expectantly.  
Guanshan took a deep breath, looking down at the hands in his lap.

"It wasn't a nightmare, rather an unpleasant memory. About... She Li."

He could feel He Tian tensing up next to him, but he didn't say anything, so he continued.

"About two years ago, not too long after I was forced to join his little gang of delinquents, he started talking shit about my dad. When I confronted him and said he was set up, She Li said he could help me and take revenge on my behalf... but in exchange he expected me to... to cut off a piece of flesh from my body and offer it to him... needless to say I declined but... thinking he'd even make such an offer and expecting me to consider it... that guy makes me sick!"

He felt weird after telling He Tian another piece of his past and he half expected him to comment on it afterall, but the other one remained quiet. Too quiet. It was almost disappointing. Almost.  
Angry with himself, Guanshan grabbed the pillow next to him and tossed it into his lap before hugging it a little too tight against his belly.

"So there", he grumbled. "Now you know. Happy?"

He Tian stopped looking at him and settled on looking outside the window instead. He sighed and stretched out his legs as well, before leaning his elbows onto the edge of the mattress behind them. The palm of his right hand lightly pressed against the back of Guanshan's head, his fingers quickly ruffling the short, red strands on top.  
Clearly not amused, Guanshan leaned his head to the side, away from the touch.

"How could I be happy learning about your misfortune?", He Tian asked and let his hand sink, fingertips barely brushing against Guanshan's nape.

It tickled and the redhead reached up to scratch himself. He didn't answer.  
He Tian crossed his ankles the other way.

"Since you don't want any commentary I shall be quiet and take this information to the grave."

"You think you're so hilarious, don't you?"

"Absolutely", He Tian replied and leaned his head back to rest against the bed while staring at the high ceiling. "But doesn't it feel good to tell someone the things that weigh on your mind?"

"That's rich coming from you. I practically know nothing about you or your weird family situation..."

He Tian's head rolled to the side to give Guanshan a look. "You know you can ask me anything you want. But whenever I tell you something personal, you tell me to shut up."

"Yeah. Thank you for reminding me that I actually don't care about your bullshit."

"Little Mo, you need to stop hurting my feelings", He Tian said, feigning being offended. "I can only take so much."

Guanshan snorted and hugged the pillow tighter. "Yeah, whatever...", he mumbled.

He Tian brought himself in an upright position again. "You don't want to know about me, that's fine. However if there's anything else on your mind, anything you wanna share or... confess... I'm here, ok? You can always talk to me."

"Fuck! Don't say such weird shit, you're making me wanna throw up."

He Tian merely laughed and Guanshan could feel the warmth on his cheeks once more. Or maybe it was just hot in this apartment. The underfloor heating surely running day and night. What a waste.  
He Tian's words kept tumbling through his head, reminding him of things he rather wanted to forget and yet...

"A-actually there is something", he started and cursed himself silently for bringing it up. _Well. Too late now. Just power through it!_

"Oh?", He Tian rose an eyebrow and gave him his undevided attention.

"Yeah, so...", Guanshan started and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "I think you should know, because... it doesn't seem fair keeping this from you since you think the facts are different while in reality it's the other way around and I probably should've told you right away but I— I don't know, it was too awkward and I just wanted to forget about it and—"

"Guanshan!", He Tian interrupted him and shook his head. He sounded half amused. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"The note!", the redhead replied and drew up his knees so he could lean his forehead against them. "I told you I threw away your jacket but that was a lie. I kept it and when I washed it I found the note you'd put into one of the pockets for me. So... I know about... that..."

The following silence was thick and heavy. Ready to be cut with a knife.  
Guanshan could feel the weight of He Tian's gaze on him, could feel those eyes, sharp and grey like steel, boring into his skin.  
His shoulders rose and fell with a heavy sigh and he let go of the pillow trapped between his stomach and his legs, his hands finding support on the hardwood floor, fingertips gliding over the floorboards with gentle pressure, feeling the structure of the wood. It was calming, grounding somehow.

"Say something?", he finally pleaded after what seemed like an eternity.

He Tian started to move at last, adjusting his position, their knees lightly brushing against one another.

"So what's your answer?", he asked, voice barely more than a whisper.

Guanshan lifted his head but avoided looking at He Tian. "I don't know", he mumbled, staring at the empty space on the other end of the living room. "I don't have one yet."

"Okay", came the quiet reply. "No answer is good enough for now. It just means you need more time to think."

They knew they were both thinking the same thing: ' _I don't know_ ' didn't mean ' _no_ '. There was still hope.  
The mood after this confession was awkward though and way too intimate for Guanshan's liking. He kept avoiding He Tian's gaze, a look into those piercing eyes might've been fatal.

There was a kind of warmth next to his left hand and even without looking, Guanshan could feel the presence of He Tian's hand next to his own.  
Merely a few centimeters apart, he could clearly feel him scooting closer until his pinky was brushing against the side of Guanshan's hand.  
He thought about moving his hand, faking an itch to have an excuse to scratch himself but He Tian was already hooking their pinkies together and so Guanshan just let it happen.

His cheeks and ears were burning with heat and his face still stubbornly turned away, elbow leaning against his knee, chin resting in the palm of his free hand, partly covering his mouth as well.  
He exhaled through his nose, trying not to move his other hand, afraid of what might come next if he would.  
He could hear his own heart beating in his throat, blood rushing in his ears. It was so loud that he thought He Tian must be able to hear it too.

They stayed like this for a while, He Tian staring out of the window, Guanshan slowly calming down.  
Finally, He Tian turned towards Guanshan and offered him a smile.

"Stay here tonight?", he asked, his quiet voice unusually loud after such a long period of silence.

Guanshan sighed and turned his head, it took all his willpower not to look down between them where their fingers were still interlaced.  
His eyes were long used to the semi-darkness inside the apartment. The citylights shining through the windows were more than enough to let him see He Tian's features clearly. There was a silent plead in his expression and Guanshan didn't want to disappoint him for some reason. Still... staying over on a weekday?

"I-I don't know", he said reluctantly. "I don't have any spare clothes on me, obviously, and we have school tomorrow and—"

"Just wear some of mine", He Tian instantly offered. "And we can get up early, so you can stop by your apartment before heading to school."

Guanshan chewed on his lower lip. He knew he was fishing for excuses now. Did he actually want to stay? Or would he prefer going home and sleeping in his own bed tonight? He thought about He Tian's couch which was surprisingly comfortable. Maybe they could watch some TV together and... _fuck_! Now he was already thinking about what they could do together.

He exhaled noisily through his nose. "Fine", he agreed hesitantly. "But I have to call my mom first..."

He Tian was beaming. "I'll get you some clothes."

He got up and jogged back to his wardrobe while Guanshan sat there for a moment longer, idly rubbing his pinky.  
When He Tian returned a minute later with a shirt, some yoga pants and a pair of boxerbriefs, Guanshan stood by the window and was just about to wrap up the phonecall.

"Yes, I promise. Okay, mom, I have to go now... yes. I love you, too... bye."

He pocketed his phone and noticed the strange look the other one was giving him. "What?!", he snapped, ready to defend himself against any stupid remark.

But He Tian just raised his brows and shook his head before offering him the clothes. "Nothing. I just thought it must be nice being told to be loved by a parent."

Guanshan took the clothes and grimaced. "Yeah? Who'd love _you_ anyway?"

"Ouch."

Fuck. Maybe he shouldn't have said that. "Sorry", he mumbled. "I... I didn't mean it like that..."

"Forget it", He Tian said, hands in his pockets.

Guanshan looked at the pile of clothes on his arm. He frowned even deeper when he saw the boxers and held them up at arm's length. "You gave me your underwear?! I'm not wearing that!"

Snorting, He Tian turned around and walked to the kitchen. "It's a new pair, I've never worn them, so stop making a big deal out of everything."

Guanshan wrinkled his nose and considered the black briefs for a moment before putting them back on top of the pile and heading towards the bathroom.

"I'm getting changed", he announced. "So don't follow me or try anything weird."

"What did I just say?" He Tian's voice sounded strange from inside the fridge where he had stuck his head. "I think I'm going to order food... there's nothing here really. What do you want?"

"Anything's fine... Something with beef."

He Tian laughed and Guanshan closed the bathroom door behind himself.  
Just what was he thinking agreeing to stay over?  
He looked at the pants and shirt draped over his arm and put them on the counter next to the sink. The underwear showed clear signs of folds and wrinkles which were typical for new items being sold in packs.  
After casting the door one last glance, Guanshan quickly started to strip out of his own clothes and put He Tian's things on.

The shirt was loose around his chest, just the way he liked it. The trackpants and boxers fit surprisingly well.  
Still he felt weird wearing something that belonged to He Tian, _smelled_ like He Tian.  
When he walked back into the living room, Guanshan had a bellyache and he was certain it didn't come from the lack of food he had today.

They sat on the couch, flipping through the channels, finally agreeing to watch a comedy show while waiting for their food.  
After it arrived, they both sat there, cross-legged, next to one another, each digging into a box of fried noodles and dumplings with some simple, throwaway chopsticks.  
Guanshan would've never admitted it, but he really had fun that evening.

When the show was over, He Tian got up and stretched, causing his shirt to ride up his torso, showing off a piece of skin above the waistband of his pants.  
Guanshan tried to look away and put his empty noodle box on the small table.

"Hey, uhm, you don't happen to have a spare toothbrush for me?"

"Sure."

He followed He Tian into the bathroom, where he started digging through the drawers beneath the sink.

"Here. That one okay for you?"

Guanshan took the toothbrush which was still wrapped in plastic and looked at the label. Medium bristles.

"Yeah, thanks."

He unwrapped it and expected He Tian to leave the bathroom. Instead, the other one grabbed his own toothbrush and wetted it before squeezing some strong minty toothpaste onto it.

"Uhh..."

"Hm?", He Tian raised an eyebrow, toothbrush already in his mouth.

Guanshan closed his eyes for a moment. This was weird. The whole evening had been weird. Fun, but weird. And this... here... brushing their teeth together like some old married couple... it felt weirdly domestic and way more casual than he preferred.  
Shrugging, he finally followed suit. _Just power through it_ , he reminded himself.

He Tian was done first, spitting the foamy paste back into the sink and Guanshan wanted to gag. After rinsing his mouth, He Tian put a fresh towel for Guanshan on the counter and left the bathroom.  
Relieved to have a moment of privacy, the redhead finished brushing his teeth before washing his face and drying himself off.

He returned to the living room, proceeding to put some pillows against the armrest of the couch.  
He Tian watched him with narrowed eyes.

"What are you doing?", he asked, putting one hand on his hip. "Don't tell me you plan to sleep on the couch?"

"Well... yes..."

He Tian shook his head. "Don't be ridiculous. My bed is big enough for three. There's plenty of space for the two of us."

"Uhm, I don't know..."

"It's way more comfortable. Stop being silly."

Sighing Guanshan nodded weakly, not wanting to argue anymore. He was tired.  
Plus he had just seen He Tian spitting some gross cocktail of toothpaste mixed with saliva mixed with food particles into the sink right before his eyes. And what could be worse than that?

Standing next to the bed, He Tian reached for the hem of his black shirt and dragged it over his head.

"It's warm in here", he explained after noticing Guanshan's strange look.

The redhead just waved into his direction, mumbling a "Whatever", and picked up the pillows from the floor to toss them back onto the bed.  
He drew back the big blanket and froze for a moment.  
Just one blanket. Big enough for two, sure, but still only one.  
He Tian switched off all the lights in the apartment before returning to the bed.

"Something wrong?", he asked and sat down on the edge, pushing his long legs under the covers.

Guanshan shook his head. _Just do it. Lay down. It'll be fine_ , he told himself.  
Awkwardly he crawled under the blanket and didn't dare to pull it closer. His left side wasn't covered and he feared it'd feel cold soon despite the current warmth.

"You'll be cold if you don't come a little closer", He Tian said as if he could read his mind. "Why are you still making such a big deal out of these things? Last weekend we also shared a bed. You even scooted closer after heading out in the middle of the night..."

Guanshan's head rolled to the side, angrily looking at the other one. Of course he remembered that. The memory was still fresh on his mind. He Tian scaring the living shit out of him and then, later, he...

"He Tian", Guanshan growled. "If you want to make me angry—"

"Alright, alright", He Tian interrupted him, raising his hands above the blanket. "I promise to behave."

Guanshan scoffed and scooted a tiny bit closer, just enough so his entire body was covered by the blanket. He stared at the ceiling for a moment before closing his eyes, trying to will his body to sleep.

"Goodnight", He Tian said quietly.

"Goodnight", came Guanshan's muffled response, mouth covered by the blanket.

He was tired, he desperately wanted to sleep, yet Guanshan knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep like this. Not next to He Tian, sharing the damn covers with him.  
He was nervous, couldn't calm down and his bellyache only got worse. Everything around him smelled like He Tian. The sheets, the pillows, his clothes and of course He Tian himself.  
It was a masculine scent, woody and earthy, mixed with leather and cigarette smoke. Usually Guanshan wouldn't expect such a fragrance on a guy his own age. It was kind of mature. But he was so used to it by now, weeks and months of being forced to walk by He Tian's side surely left its traces. He would recognize this particular scent amongst hundreds of people.

And yet it was strangely overpowering lying so close to him and being totally engulfed by his presence.  
Guanshan squeezed his eyes shut, tight and hard, telling his mind to shut up - to no avail.  
He shifted around a bit, trying to take long and even breaths.  
After several minutes, He Tian must've sensed there was something going on because he reached out for Guanshan, bridging the distance of less than a meter between them.

He Tian's hand lightly brushed against Guanshan's upper arm and he whispered: "Hey, what's up? Are you alright? Was the food bad or something?"

"No, no!", the redhead hastily replied. "No... It's all fine. Don't worry."

He Tian didn't reply though he left his hand where it was, his knuckles gently resting against Guanshan's skin, just below the short sleeve of his shirt.  
Guanshan tried to concentrate on anything else, tried to listen to the low hum of the fridge, tried to pick up any sounds from the outside, tried to think of nothing, but in the end he was too fucking aware of that damn hand lightly touching him.  
Eventually he turned on his side, facing away from He Tian, breaking their small connection.

After what seemed like many hours - but in reality had been half an hour tops - he finally fell into a light, dreamless sleep.

~

When Guanshan woke up an hour later, he needed a few seconds to realize where he was.  
He turned around, looking at He Tian's sleeping figure and listened to his quiet, even breathing. He allowed himself to move a little closer and silently rearranged his pillow, careful to not wake him up.  
He studied He Tian's face, his relaxed features, lips slightly parted, a few strands of black hair tickling the bridge of his nose.  
Guanshan's eyelids felt heavy and when he couldn't keep them open any longer, he drifted back to sleep.

~

The next time he woke up, the sky outside was still dark.  
Guanshan had no idea how much time had passed and he drowsily searched for his phone to check the time.  
3:47AM  
Fuck.  
He wondered what woke him up this time and then he realized it was unusually hot in the apartment.  
He wasn't used to sleeping with the heating on. His room was always cold during the night, making it easier to breathe.

Quietly he sat up and took off the shirt which He Tian had given him earlier.  
He dropped it next to the bed and turned around, wanting to lay back down again when he froze in his movements.  
He Tian was awake. He was awake and staring at him.

Guanshan swallowed hard, his throat making a weird noise. "Y-you were right", he whispered. "It _is_ very warm in here..."

The other one didn't reply and kept staring at him, even as he was bringing himself into a sitting position as well.  
The silence made Guanshan feel nervous and he broke the eye contact, turning his head to stare at the nightly cityscape.  
It came to no surprise to him though, when He Tian scooted closer and he could feel the mattress sinking in right next to his thigh.

A moment later, there was a large hand on his naked shoulder and another came to lie on the side of his face, cupping his cheek and gently turning his face towards He Tian.  
Being forced to look at him from such a short distance, Guanshan couldn't help but to trace all his features with his eyes, thinking how elegant and symmetrical the other one's face was. He Tian was undeniably beautiful - for a man anyway - and Guanshan wondered if he had been approached by teen model agencies before.  
He could easily imagine him on a magazine cover. Tall and mysterious, dark shiney hair, aloof expression on his face, wearing expensive designer clothes, maybe an equally beautiful girl by his side.

And it was in that moment that Guanshan asked himself what He Tian saw in him.  
Why him? Why had this stupid, handsome teenager decided to come after an angry, foul-mouthed redhead with a complicated background?  
To his own surprise though, Guanshan realized he actually didn't mind He Tian's advances. He didn't like it when the other one was too pushy, but the overall attention? Knowing there was someone out there who liked him and was ready to take and accept him just the way he was... that was kind of amazing in a way.

And so they kept staring at each other and Guanshan wondered why He Tian was waiting. Wondered what he was waiting for and he was so painfully aware of them sitting so close and He Tian touching his face and his shoulder and why wasn't He Tian doing anything??  
Another minute passed and Guanshan licked his dry lips nervously and suddenly it dawned on him why He Tian wasn't doing anything.  
He was waiting for Guanshan to make the first move. That fucker wasn't going to move until he moved first. Admirable, but frustrating at the same time.

Guanshan wasn't good at being proactive.  
And if he'd make a move - what would it be anyway? A kiss?  
His eyes slightly widened upon realizing that this was the only logical next step. Of course He Tian was hoping for a kiss. But he wouldn't take it by force this time. Thank fuck.  
But did Guanshan want to kiss him?  
He had no idea. His thoughts were all over the place, there was a whole fucking theme park in his head, rollercoasters crashing, carousels spinning too fast, music playing too loud.  
His palms were sweating and he wiped them inconspicuously on the bedsheets, his fingers grabbing fistfuls of fabric while his heart was thumping so loud and fast it threatened to burst through his chest.  
_Just do it_ , a small voice inside his head told him. _Just lean forward and kiss him. You know you want to try it. Come on. No big deal._

Apparently it _was_ a big deal and everytime he thought about making the first step, he couldn't find the strength to do it afterall.  
It was mentally exhausting.  
After a while Guanshan simply closed his eyes and shook his head, weakly pushing He Tian's hand away from his face.  
He scooted to the edge of the bed, his legs sliding over the mattress, feet touching the ground.  
Guanshan leaned forward, elbows digging into his thighs while he hid his face in his open palms.  
He felt like a loser.

He Tian watched him for a minute before stretching his arm and placing his hand on Guanshan's back, palm flat between his shoulder blades. The touch made the redhead flinch.

"He Tian", he hissed, voice low and shaky.

The other one's fingers brushed down Guanshan's naked back before hitting the mattress.

"What are you so afraid of?"

Guanshan groaned into his hands. "He Tian, please..."

He Tian sighed. "I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

What _was_ it, that he was afraid of?  
Intimacy? Rejection? Disappointment? A human touch? ...He Tian?

Guanshan had no answer. He took a deep breath and looked up, letting his hands sink before turning around. He started crawling towards He Tian, like a cat, hands and knees on the mattress.  
He didn't need help for this! And he definitely wasn't afraid of a damn kiss!  
_Dont think, just act!_ , he told himself when he was right in front of him, staring into He Tian's slightly surprised face, both at the same eye level.  
Guanshan plucked up all his courage and leaned in, pressing his lips onto the other one's mouth.

As soon as their lips met, Guanshan closed his eyes. He didn't move any further, held perfectly still, and it felt awkward, inexperienced, too stiff, with a little too much pressure.  
After a moment of hesitation, he could feel He Tian responding, adjusting their position ever so slightly, turning his head a little and moving against his lips.  
Guanshan's eyebrows rose though he kept his eyes shut. However a heartbeat later he drew back, having forgotten how to breathe through his nose and he parted his lips, taking in a few drags of air.  
He wanted to sit back but He Tian reached for his face once more, thumb gliding over his cheekbone while the rest of his fingers touched his neck below the ear.

"Come back", He Tian whispered and chased his lips with his own mouth while his free hand found Guanshan's wrist, fingers loosely wrapping around it, the tip of his index finger gently pressing into the skin over the artery to feel his pulse.

This time the kiss was less awkward but still as nerve-wracking as before. It made Guanshan feel nervous, made his stomach do backflips, made his heart flutter.  
There was no rush. They kissed slowly, tenderly, just soft lips with light pressure, the faint noise of mouth sounds and their low, unsteady breathing.  
Guanshan felt He Tian's warm exhale ghosting over his face as he moved a little to the side to kiss the corner of his mouth.

At some point, He Tian started to lean back to lay down on the sheets and his hands wandered to Guanshan's upper arms, dragging him down with him without breaking the kiss.  
When Guanshan came to lay on top of He Tian, he drew back to look at him, his hands on the mattress next to He Tian's head with his left arm slowly lowering to shift the weight onto his forearm.  
His heart was still beating like crazy, making it hard to swallow, hard to breathe, hard to do anything really. His chest rose and fell with each shaky breath and when Guanshan looked down and placed his right hand onto He Tian's chest, directly over his heart, he could feel the fast paced rhythm matching his own.

Somewhat relieved that this whole thing was affecting He Tian as much as it affected him, Guanshan felt himself calming down a little.  
He Tian's hand was at the back of his head, fingertips running over the shaved part of his hair where it was only a few millimeters long. He looked up at him and smiled softly, then pulled his head down for another kiss, meeting him halfway, catching his mouth before laying back down on the pillow, resuming their kiss.

One of Guanshan's knees rested between He Tian's thighs, the position inevitably pressing his crotch against the other one's hips and feeling him the same way in return.  
It was embarrassing and exciting at the same time.  
He moved his right hand down slowly, silently admiring He Tian's warm, smooth skin, fingers loosely curling around his waist while they continued to kiss.  
He Tian shifted slightly underneath him, causing their lower bodies to rub against one another.  
A soft little moan escaped Guanshan's mouth, the sound shooting right down to He Tian's groin.

"Fuck", he whispered and swallowed before brushing his thumb over Guanshan's bottom lip.

"Open your mouth", he continued breathlessly. "Please..."

Guanshan's eyes widened. No. Not that... that was... gross.  
He silently shook his head, wanting to crawl away, but He Tian moved his arms and hugged him, keeping him right there, pressing their naked chests together.

"Please", he begged again, voice barely a whisper, his lips brushing against the shell of Guanshan's ear. "Just once... if you don't like it, I won't ask again."

The redhead closed his eyes and relaxed his tense body, leaning his full weight down on He Tian.

"Okay", he finally breathed against his neck, preparing himself for the worst.

He Tian was kissing him again, strong arms around his upper body, sinewy hands roaming freely over his back.  
When he was licking over his bottom lip, Guanshan pressed his lips together, tensing up for a moment before reluctantly opening his mouth, allowing He Tian to go further.  
Slowly his own tongue pushed past, meeting the other one outside their mouthes, their tips touching, wet and hot, soon sliding against each other.

The nervous knot in Guanshan's stomach grew bigger, disgust and excitement mixing until he realized that this was in fact such a turn on for him.  
He Tian moaned into his mouth and Guanshan was completely done for.  
Forgotten were his reservations, doubts and worries. He had never expected He Tian to be able to make him feel this way and he accepted it graciously, melting into his embrace.

They continued to make out for the rest of the night, rolling around in the sheets, changing positions, idly rubbing against one another.

And when He Tian was on top of Guanshan, loosely pinning his wrists onto the mattress above his head, the redhead willingly opened his legs, letting He Tian slide between them. The taller one pushed his hips forward, causing Guanshan to moan and open his mouth wide, eyes closed, head tipping back.  
He was undeniably hard, just like He Tian, and they could feel each other clearly through the thin fabric of their track pants.

It was like he lost all sense of shame and modesty when he bucked up, eagerly meeting He Tian's shallow thrusts, completely driven by desire.  
Their movements became more erratic, their kisses open mouthed and sloppy, He Tian's fingers curling tighter around Guanshan's wrists. He pressed him down with his own weight, fucking him into the mattress without actually fucking him.  
And it still wasn't enough.

Suddenly He Tian let go of Guanshan's wrists, sliding down his body, his mouth dragging over his chest, spreading hurried kisses here and there before he went deeper, tongue dipping into the valley of his navel while his fingers hooked into the waistband of Guanshan's pants, about to drag them down.  
The redhead opened his eyes in shock, quickly reaching down to grab He Tian's hands, stopping him in his tracks.

"No!", he gasped, out of breath, heart hammering wild. "...not that..."

He Tian let go and closed his eyes for a second. "Right", he whispered, breathing heavy. "Sorry... got a little carried away there..."

In an instant he was back on top of him, grinding their hips together, his right hand reaching for Guanshan's behind.  
Unhesitantly the redhead drew up his knees and wrapped his legs around He Tian's waist, locking his ankles behind his lower back, making it easier for the other one to move.  
This was good, he was okay with this. More than okay. No need to shed more clothes though.

He Tian moved faster, executing more pressure, the movement of his hips forceful and snatchy. His mouth found Guanshan's neck, kissing and licking the heated skin, sucking on it until it became red and even more sensitive.  
Guanshan tried to hold on to He Tian's back, fingertips gliding over sticky skin which was starting to transpire.  
He was so close. So damn close.

"Please", it came over his lips without him realizing it. "Oh fuck... He Tian..."

His hands slid further down, cupping those firm cheeks through two layers of fabric, pressing him down _hard_ while thrusting up at the same time.

"Guan Shan— fuck, I—", He Tian hissed through gritted teeth. His forehead sank down on his collarbone, breath hot and moist against his skin.

Guanshan's teeth dug into his bottom lip, biting until he could taste blood. His grip was unrelenting, almost painful. Just a bit more... just a little...

—Guanshan was gone.

He gasped and moaned, not caring if those sounds were embarrassingly loud. Wetness started to spread in front of his pants. He Tian tensed above him, groaning against his sweaty skin before his body went limp, arms feebly resting against the mattress.

Guanshan stared at the ceiling with wide eyes, struggling to get enough air into his lungs with He Tian's full weight on top of him.

That had been... unbelievable. He lacked proper vocabulary to describe what went through his head after what they'd just done.  
He Tian shifted and pushed himself off him after a while, laying down next to Guanshan, one arm draped across his chest.  
Guanshan felt strangely weightless, like he would start floating any moment now.  
Lazily his head rolled to the side, looking at He Tian who was staring at him with a strange expression.

"What's up?", he whispered in the early light of day coming in through the window front.

He Tian averted his gaze and scooted a little closer, his knee bumping into Guanshan's thigh.

"Promise me one thing...", he said, voice low and hushed. "If... you wake up one day and I would be gone... promise you'll wait for me? Wait until I come back?"

Guanshan frowned and turned on his side, his hands idly brushing against He Tian's chest.

"What kind of bullshit question is that?", he asked, sounding more confused than annoyed.

"Please", He Tian begged, voice louder now, serious. "You said you don't have an answer yet and I will wait for that answer for as long as it takes. But in return, promise me you'll wait for me in case I disappear."

Guanshan considered him for a long moment, but in the end he nodded slowly.

"Okay. I promise."  
  
  
  
_end~_

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it until the end - thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I hope you enjoyed it and didn't find it too ridiculous *sigh*  
> The last scene was inspired by a theory of my darling @mopillow you can see the [tumblr post here](https://mopillow.tumblr.com/post/633831646970429440/).  
> And thanks a lot to Belly for giving me her opinion and motivating me ♥


End file.
